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May is here.
It feels like May is like a 'second December' with the calendar full of activities, year-end events, school award ceremonies, and the list can go on and on. We all know that full schedules can lead to stress which leads to anxiety which leads to multiple morning meltdowns with teenagers in your home. How can you approach May differently this year, knowing that it will be full and schedules will be packed? How can you approach it with grace and ease that acknowledges it will be busy, but that you will create an atmosphere of peace within your home (and within your vehicle on the way to events)? As parents, caregivers, and trusted adults in the lives of teenagers, we have an incredible opportunity to speak peace into a month that can be absolute mayhem. We can be the collectives voices speaking words of identity, purpose, and belonging during a season and month where academics, accolades, and accomplishments are screaming to be valued more than anything. We can be the voices gently speaking the truths about worth and purpose that never change, regardless of what shows up in a yearbook or on a report card. Over the last few years of seeing the Mayhem of May, here's some insights that have been collected to help us show up well in the lives of the teenagers we love. 1. Ask what your student needs from you this month. We don't know until we ask. Sometimes we might get blank stares, or we still might get a door slammed in our face, but we have to ask. If you keep getting blank stares and "bruh, I don't know" comments, offer suggestions. Ask what you can do to show your student that you support him/her. How can you show up for them? Is it coming to that track meet that's causing major stress and anxiety? Is it running to Starbucks before school? Grabbing McDonald's chicken nuggets after soccer practice? Chatting before bed? I've heard it said before that a teenager talking at midnight and asking questions is similar to a young child asking for her 5th cup of water at bedtime. When we show up in the small moments, our students will come to us in the big moments. 2. Ask what their biggest prayer requests are during May. Prayer is communicating with God. It's the process of a simple and honest conversation with God to develop a friendship. When we take the time to pray with our students and talk about our prayer lives together, it not only connects us with God but it also connects us with each other. Ask your student what are the things that you need to talk to God about together. It doesn't always have to be praying out loud together. There are a ton of different ways to pray and talk to God. Pray quietly in your head, out loud, or by sitting in silence. Pray by reading through prayers written by other people or listening to the words of God found in Scripture. It's all about communication— speaking with and listening to God. 3. Think about your circles of influence. How many events are you and your student going to be at during the month of May? How often will you be with the same people? How often will you have opportunities to sit on the bleachers with someone or on a long bus ride to a music competition? God has placed your student and your family in those circles for a reason. How can you as a family love the people in those circles well, seeing it as an opportunity to be a friend like Jesus would be? You're going to be spending a lot of time with these teammates, bandmates, etc. for awhile. Why not pursue a friendship that can have a positive lasting impact that goes beyond the May Mayhem? 4. Make time for fun and laughter. You know what brings your student and your family joy. Make it a priority to create space for these moments. Those small moments can turn into lifelong memories. Turn on that YouTube video with Fortnite dances and have a dance contest to see who has the best moves in your family. Go grab ice cream after a long day. Pick a night where you watch a family favorite movie. Whatever your family defines as fun together, carve out the time to make it happen. It doesn't have to be a full night or an entire day; make the most of the moments you have together. Create margin for joy and see how that joy can carry you through the mayhem. Will it take some time to figure out the wild rhythm of May? Of course. Will there be times where we mess up and that family trip to Dairy Queen ends up with melted ice cream cones and tears? It just might happen. Even though there will be twists and turns on the May rollercoaster, there will also be moments of pure laughter and fun. If we take the time to make space for our students and show them we're there for them in the mayhem, if we show up and show we care, if we listen with empathetic ears, we are doing the good work of caring for our students in the midst of mayhem. If it's gonna be May, then let's make every little thing we do matter.
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 Last week Thursday marked 6 weeks that (most) students have been in school. First, I am not a licensed psychologist, but over the last eleven years in youth ministry, I've noticed a trend once we hit 6 weeks into the school year.
"Can you pray for me? I'm really struggling." "Everything feels really hard right now." "I'm really anxious. I can't sleep at night." "I'm really depressed. I don't know what to do." "My best friend decided to ditch me for a guy." "I can't keep my mind focused on the game." I don't know what this phenomena is but it seems as though each school year as we hit the six to seven week mark, all of these things start to bubble to the surface in our teenagers. Maybe they're things that have been present since week one of the school year, but now reality is settling in. "The honeymoon is over," as one teacher put it. This year, I finally have given a name to it: the six-week slump. By this time, students have adapted to the new routine of the school year and the 'newness' of a new school, new schedule, new classes, and all things 'new' have worn off. I've wondered that after six weeks of a new school year, real life has settled in for our students and maybe some hard realities are hitting them and life just feels really tough. That one friend he/she had in elementary school is too involved with another friend or maybe even a relationship and doesn't have time for him/her anymore. The fall sports seasons are winding down and either it's a great thing or a really hard thing. The day-in-day-out routine of practices and games is tiresome and the student is ready for a break. That one class isn't getting any easier and it's almost the end of the first quarter and your student is wondering, when will this all make sense to me? Because of these realities or other situations going on, students start to question their identity, purpose and belonging. There are more outbursts, there are more tears, and there are questions of "why?" and wondering if Jesus even cares. You could say that it's a time and period when students feel really low and potentially anxious. Regardless of what our students are experiencing, and based on past experience, these six to eight weeks into the school year can be rocky. Situations like those listed above or others can cause students to really start to question their identity, purpose, and belonging. That's when we as parents and the church link arms even tighter and remind our students that because of Jesus, they are loved, they matter, and they belong. I'm curious to know if you've noticed this in your teenager during their Middle School years or if you're noticing it now. If you're an educator, coach, or someone that works with teenagers in some capacity, what do you notice around the six-week mark?  May you dare to believe that God is in control this year, that his plan for you is good and wherever he has placed you is on purpose for his purposes.
May you dare to believe that your identity, your worth, and your value, are not found in what you do, in what others say, by what you have, by your worst moment, or by your best moment, but that what God says about you matters most. May you dare to believe that God is for you and not against you. May you dare to believe that you are not alone, but may you dare to believe you walk in the power of Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit, guiding each step. May you dare to walk in the footsteps of Jesus, growing to be more and more like him every day so others can know him. May you dare to share the hope and peace that you have that goes beyond human understanding May you dare to believe that there are followers of Jesus, standing with you and for you as you live out his plan and purpose for your life. Amen. |
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